


Juno Steel and the Book of Tenjin

by TheSpookyVarietyHour



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23137246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpookyVarietyHour/pseuds/TheSpookyVarietyHour
Summary: Ah. Good evening, traveller, and welcome to The Penumbra. Our next stop… Hyperion City.The junction lies just ahead, traveller. Do not be alarmed… we are taking a rather unorthodox route today. This will not be one of Juno Steel’s usual adventures.The adventure you are about to witness is a dive into the hypothetical. Power is an incredible thing in such a lively place as Hyperion City, and knowledge, as they say, is power.Once upon a time, an ancient of the far-off system of Susano-o crafted an artifact of infinite knowledge… thus infinite power. If you could ask God anything, traveller, what would it be?Our next stop… Juno Steel and the Book of Tenjin.Ah, and Traveller? Good luck.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Kudos: 10





	Juno Steel and the Book of Tenjin

**Author's Note:**

> My first Junovere fic!  
> Largely my first finished part of fan fiction, really. Fanfic writing is an art I'm still trying to get a hold of, so be gentle :D
> 
> I think I lost the Juno voice somewhere down the line, but it will come with practice!

I had come to expect to see a lot of things when I arrived at the office every morning.

Usually it was Rita, going on about whatever movie she’d seen because she didn’t notice I’d left for the night. Often there was a client with some absolutely rediculous problem they could pay anybody to solve that ended up turning into a triple murder. Sometimes, it was some government agent who thought I was in deep on some conspiracy I’d never heard of.

Today, it was all three. She practically crash-tackled me outside the office door.

“MISTAH STEEL!!” Rita’s shout rocked me so hard I could have sworn I heard it on this day four score and forever ago. It didn’t do much to help the throbbing headache from the taking bar full of cheap gin followed by the stardock worker buying it for me.  
“Ugh, Rita, I-” I attempted. You’d think, after all these years, I would have learned from my own mistakes.  
“Mistah Steel! Oh it was horrible, Mistah Steel! They forced their way in and started flippin’ over the place lookin’ for this book but I didn’t know what they were on about!”  
“Rita-”  
“IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT MOVIE MISTAH STEEL WITH THE SCARY GOVERNMENT AGENTS TEARIN’ THE PLACE UP but here’s they’re lookin’ for a book when in that they were looking for top secret government intelligence that somebody was keepin’ on a flash drive and I was thinkin’ ‘why would you leave it on something like that when there’s perfectly good books you could write it in’ and also a book can’t be hacked unless they’re one of them fancy holobooks but that’s not even a real book Mistah Steel it’s a computer with a fancy suit but the good thing is you can’t accidentally spill Mistah Steel’s coffee on a holobook but then it gets all over your lap BUT IT’S JUST LIKE THAT MISTAH STEEL I SWEAR-”  
“Rita!” I belted back, having to cut through my own hazy thoughts and Rita’s babbling.  
“Yeah, Mistah Steel?”  
“Who is in the office?”  
“Oh! Dark Matters! With that nice Sasha lady who said she was lookin’ for you and- Mistah Steel where are you going?”  
I was already through the office door before Rita had finished talking. Dark Matters had certainly done a number on the place, in that way that government spooks often did. As I swung the door closed, Rita still completely astonished, every black armoured spook in the room turned their eyes and their guns on me. This wasn’t the first time that had happened and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.  
My name is Juno Steel, Private Eye. I didn't know it yet, but today I would meet God.  
"Juno." Sasha Wire eyed me down. I'd grown used to that kind of condescension. It was better than the lasers.  
"Sasha. Something I can help you with? I keep my Martian superweapons-slash-interglactic criminals-slash-whatever you're looking for in the underwear drawer." Normally I might have poured myself a drink at this point, but the guns were doing a remarkable job of keeping me focused.  
"Where's the Book, Juno?"  
"Where's your… book?" I thought I had another characteristically witty response prepared, but I stumbled over it as my brain actually processed what she had just said. “What book?”  
“Hit him.” Sasha said. One of the spooks stepped in without hesitation, slamming the butt of his weapon right into my cheek. I stumbled, my back slamming into the door.  
“Fuck, Sasha! What the hell?!” I barked out, touching my cheek. The spook had split the skin, and I was trickling blood. Damn it… just this morning, I’d finally managed to get my foundation even.  
“I don’t have time for your games, Juno.” Shasha retorted. “We know you have the Book, or at least you know where it is. Tell us what you know, or I’ll have you buried so deep in a black-site prison you’ll never see the sun again.”  
“That’s fine, I do most of my work at night anyway.”  
“Then you’ll never see the moons… Why am I humoring you? Just hit him again.”  
My gun was in my hand before I or anybody else even realised I had moved. The barrel met the handsome agent’s forehead before the butt of his gun met my cheek. He froze mid-way through his swing, and I could practically hear the sound of every trigger finger in the room tightening. Sasha seemed completely unbothered which, honestly, was really annoying.  
“I’d really prefer if you didn’t.” I said, digging deep through the fear of a threatened life for this brief moment of being a badass I was sometimes allowed to enjoy. “I don’t know what on Mars you’re talking about with this book, Sasha, but if you want my help, you could have just asked. Regular fee, of course.”  
“Sorry, Juno, my budget only allows for hiring professionals.”  
The sting behind her words almost hurt more than the cut on my cheek. Almost. “Just tell me what the hell this is about, Sasha. If you’re going to trash my apartment and bust my cheek, you should damn well let me in on your secret.”  
I could see it in Sasha’s eyes. She would never admit it, but she knew that if I didn’t have her ‘Book’, I’d at least be able to help her find it. Sasha finally groaned, already sick of my bullshit.  
“Everybody out.”

The Book of Tenjin, as Sasha very slowly explained over the sounds of Rita’s stream in the next room, was some kind of device that had made its way to Mars all the way from Susano-o. She was annoyingly vague about the details, something about being secretly loaded from cargo freighter to cargo freighter over the years, world to world, system to system, tracked by Dark Matters all the way. It wasn’t an actual book, more like a really old tablet computer. They had kept trying to snatch it, and there was a heist and a car chase and a daring romance and… and…  
And I might have been listening to Rita’s stream. It was good! Love to have known what was actually going on since I couldn’t actually see it, but I think I can put it together with what I could hear. The main character has this sister who was kidnapped by pirates and they have to do some wild space car chases through asteroid belts and-  
“Juno!”  
Sasha’s voice snapped me out of daydreaming about wild car chases with Nu-  
“Juno, are you listening?”  
“Yes. Car chases?”  
“No.”  
“Then no, I wasn’t listening. Short version?”  
Sasha gave a sigh that almost lasted an entire Jovian day. “The Book is here on Mars, it was in one of two places, it’s not here, so it must be on its way to the Solar History Museum here in Hyperion. It’s imperative that Dark Matters takes possession of the Book before somebody else does. Oh, and once again, just so we’re absolutely clear, the Book has the power to answer any one question before it disappears back into the void. Did you get all that, or should I throw in some animal sounds to keep your focus?”  
“I’m fond of the Bunnies, myself.”  
“I hate you. Do you understand what I’ve said?”  
“Sure. Book of knowledge, answers any question, at the museum.”  
Sasha narrowed her eyes at me.  
“What? I answered your question. I was listening!”  
“Are you going to help me, then?”  
“Are you going to shoot me if I don’t?”  
“This is all top-secret information, I should have shot you already.”  
“Then I’m happy to help! Call it a favour to an old friend.”  
“Terrific. Shall we?”  
I blinked. I hadn’t even had my morning coffee yet, and now I had to deal with this? “Like… now, now?”  
“Dark Matters has classified the Book as a weapon of mass destruction, Juno. Time is critical.”  
“...and so you sat me down for this long-winded chat?”  
“Would you have helped me if I didn’t?”  
“You had six guns on me, so… probably.”  
“...I really hate you.”  
“Rita! Call a cab!”

The Solar History Museum was almost all the way across Hyperion City. Fortunately, Sasha’s definition of ‘professionals’ apparently included cab drivers. Rita decided to tag along, the two of us choosing the taxi over the ridiculous tank that Sasha and the Spooks had piled into.  
Sasha and the Spooks. Maybe they should form a band.  
Rita was going on about her stream. I had suggested it, since I had half of the story already from when I was definitely listening to Sasha talk about… whatever. I was happy for Rita to drone on about the stream, even if I also wasn’t listening to her. This is what you get for dragging me out before I’ve had my coffee.  
It was my comm beeping that finally allowed me to focus on anything at all.  
“Juno.” It was Sasha. “It’s Sasha.” Sasha said. “Do you see the van in front of us?”  
“Yes.” I lied. I couldn’t see a damn thing past the twelve-horizontal-feet of armour plating floating along ahead of the taxi.  
“The Book is in there. We’re certain of it now.”  
“How do you figure?”  
“Because somebody just stuck a charge to the side of it.”

The van that I couldn’t see but was most certainly there exploded. I can describe a lot of things, but what is hard to describe is an explosion. A ball of plasma-fire? Sort of, though it was more like an extremely committed burst of concrete and dust. The car crash? That’s slightly easier, if more predictable. We swerved when the tank suddenly stopped and went right through a shop window. Rita’s scream? Well, you can imagine.  
I stumbled… well, I fell out of the taxi, with only my coat to protect me from the floor of broken glass and shredded steel. My ears were ringing, the classic post-explosion tinnitus and blurred vision feeling more like old friends than a symptom of concussion. I managed to drag myself to my feet just long enough to peer through the hole left by the shattered window to the back seat.  
“Rita!” I called out. I could still hear her blubbering, possibly still about the stream even after all that, but I just had to make sure that-  
“I’m okay, Mistah Steel!” She called back. I felt a sigh of relief briefly replace my heart-shattering anxiety. “I… I think the driver might be d-”  
“Stay right there, Rita!” I drew my blaster, double checking it was on stun… as far as I could see, anyway. I could see… someone or other making their way to the van. A few someones, actually. Dressed in all white and stepping up to the wreck of a van on its’ side, they hadn’t yet seen me. I had to take a gamble- those were probably the people who blew up the van. I could barely see them between the smoke and the definitely-not-symptoms of concussion, but my pistol was set to stun so… what’s the worst that could happen if I’m wrong?  
I raised my weapon and fired at the nearest of the… whoever they were. I fired off, the sound of the blaster comfortingly familiar. The stun-bolt flew right at the nearest person and missed them by about three feet to the left. They laughed at my absolutely ridiculous shot, but all that really did was give me time to aim three feet to the right and blast them square in the chest. And with that, my aim was down, even through the concussion. Their closest ally turned their gun on me, but I blasted them just barely in time by shooting about three feet to the right. It was a weird feeling, but as long as I kept shooting off-aim and they kept dropping, it was a feeling I could get used to.  
Until I turned the corner of the overturned van and found a barrel pointed at my face.  
“Look’t what I found! My very own P.I.!” With a grin like frosted glass- still concussed, remember- I tried my absolute hardest to quip at them to handle the sudden terror.  
“Uh… uhm… the… registry has our numbers? We’re really not that hard to find, Hyperion City has an unusually dense population of-”  
A bolt hit my new friends’ head, their head hit the back door of the van, and they crumpled to the ground.  
“...private eyes.” I decided to finish. I hated leaving a quip hanging in the air like that. If I didn’t finish it now, I’d finish it in the mirror later. I glanced to my left, where the bolt had come from, and spotted tall, dark, and handsome. “Punctual as usual, Sasha.”  
She might have been injured- I honestly couldn’t tell. My vision might have been getting worse. “Somebody needs to dig your ass out of the mud, Juno, and you left Rita in the car.” Sasha grumbled. “Have you seen who these thugs are?”  
“I’m having a very lady-like concussion, Sasha, I can’t see shit.”  
“Kanagawa Productions security, Juno.”  
I almost wanted to throw up. That meant we could make a pretty educated guess as to who was behind all this. “Cecil?”  
Sasha pointed up to the top of a nearby building. It was opposite the building the taxi had unceremoniously crashed into, which meant the Cameraman hulking atop it could get an excellent shot of the entire affair. The fact that I could even tell it was a Cameraman from here only doubled my desperate need to throw up.  
After I spent a moment throwing up, I looked back to Sasha.  
“Cecil.” She agreed.  
“Do we have a plan?”  
“Dark Matters wants the Book.”  
“Cecil wants the Book too. And I don’t think he cares about who gets hurt getting it.”  
“Neither does Dark Matters, Juno. The difference being is that Dark Matters has one of me and Kanagawa has…” She raised her pistol to the wide spread of familiar looking people with guns, though at a time like this anybody with a gun looked familiar. “...all of them.”

Dark Matters or Kanagawa. It wasn’t a decision I cared to make. One evil or another. Dark Matters might have used it to ask just the right question to wrestle control from the people of some, or perhaps all, of the Outer Rim. Cecil Kanagawa would use it for…  
That feeling of wanting to vomit came up again.  
There was an itch in the back of my brain. Like a headache with pictures. Even while I was struggling to see or put two thoughts together, my years of experience were already beginning to form a new escape from this shitty shitty position. If Dark Matters couldn’t have the Book, and Kanagawa couldn’t have the Book… well, I would just take it instead. I have a lot of questions that could go with an answer, and asking the Book just one of them would also conveniently send the Book far, far away from here. Easy win.  
I fired my blaster at the lock on the back of the van door. Between my blaster and the shape charge that had toppled the vehicle, it was easy enough to pull one of the doors open and scramble inside before the blaster bolts from Kanagawa’s cronies started raining in. It was… honestly suspiciously empty. The only item inside the van was a lockbox, already busted open from the explosion. Thankfully, even though the lockbox was open and on its side because it was mounted to the vans floor, the Book was securely fastened and in place.  
Honestly, the Book of Tenjin wasn’t much to look at. It looked like a very old tablet computer, like Sasha had said, or like a holo-pad before the holo part had come around. It was simply a clear black screen with a single button for activation.  
I pulled the straps clear of the Book to take hold of it- only to watch it clatter to the floor. I snatched it up, thanking whatever powers-that-be that nobody saw that.  
“Sasha! I have it!”  
“Great!” Sasha shouted back, between bursts of her weapon. “Bring it out so we can get the hell out of here!”  
That was her plan. That was not my plan. I pressed the single button on the tablet.

Suddenly, the world around me was gone. I don’t know how to explain it. The van, the gunshots, the dull pain in my head and the sharp ringing in my ears, all of it was suddenly gone. A distant memory. An old friend.  
There was only the tablet. More accurately, there was only the words the tablet read.

_> Speak your question aloud._

I could still feel the tablet in my hands. Still feel the van wall beneath my feet. But none of it seemed to matter. Like it was all so… insignificant compared to what was in my hand.

_> Speak your question aloud, Juno Steel._

Infinite knowledge. That was what was in my hand. A gateway to any single question I could possibly ask. It was… an omnipotent thing, this Book. I had no idea what a Tenjin was, but apparently it was very very smart. Omnipotence. I thought I was looking at my reflection in the glass of the tablet screen...

_> Time is short, Juno Steel. Speak your question aloud._

When really, I was looking in the eye of God.

A million questions flashed through my mind at once. How do we end the suffering in the Outer Rim? How do we stop all the pain and strife in Hyperion, on Mars, and throughout the Galaxy? How do I make myself Queen of Mars? King of Sol?  
How do I get Mick Mercury to be able to solve his own problems, for a change? How do I get Sasha to stop trashing my apartment? How do I get Rita to watch her streams with an audio feed to her comm so I can actually get my naps in?  
So many things I could do, looking God in the eye. So many problems I could solve. I didn’t want to do any of them. One single question sparked across my mind and… just like that, the rest didn’t matter. Only this. Four words. One question. I looked God in the eye and asked...

“Who is Peter Nureyev?”


End file.
